Whenever she was mean to another girl, they [my friends] would do the same thing. Sometimes i wouldn't hang out with them and I'd just talk to my other friends, but then they would get mad at me for "ignoring" them. It was like they didn't even understand that they could be really mean sometimes. When this happened i kind of felt like I shouldn't have been the nice one and befriended her. It seemed like i was the only one who actually tried to be this girls' friend and then she just turns all of my friends into these mean girls.
I had about three options in this situation. I could have either confronted all of them and told them that i didn't like how they were acting, just stopped being friends with them, or i could've just kept on pretending that nothing was wrong. I knew that if i did the first two, I would probably have a group of girls hating me and not wanting to talk to me because of an issue that didn't really involve them. So, unfortunately i stuck with the third option and continued to pretend like nothing was wrong.
To my mind, this is the reason people need to practice that part of the ASTI Constitution which tells us to "speak up for yourself and others". In this situation, it is certainly a possibility that confronting the "mean girls" (both the original aggressor and the other friends) would lead to conflict and the losing of friends; however, there is equal possibility that it will not. One should grasp the possibility of the issue being resolved peacefully and talk to whoever is causing the problem, and if this doesn't improve the situation, then it may be necessary to stop being friends with these people.
And here we have another issue: if your friends are willing to start being mean to other people just because one person they know is doing so, and if they get mad at you when you avoid the bullying or try to stop it--are you sure they're really your friends? Are they good friends? Maybe the first step is to point out that they should stop being mean to other people and that that's why you, as Karisa says, are "ignoring" them; if they just blow you off and say...I don't know, something that indicates that they have no intention of stopping, then that is the point when you probably should go and find some new friends.
Finally, I must point out that the line of the ASTI Constitution I am trying to demonstrate says that you should "speak up for yourself and others". That means that when your friends (or another group of people you may know) decide to go and bully someone or other and you don't like what they're doing, it is important to bring up the fact that you have a problem with what is being done. Again, this will almost certainly require a confrontation, but don't you think it's at least sort of worth it to make a contribution to stopping bullying?
(Please note that this post is not intended as a criticism of any person of my acquaintance, and that it is simply my response to something that was said.)
You can write, Constance. It's clear as a bell, every word of it.
ReplyDeleteThis is on a parallel topic. Not this bullying thing per se, but your writing. Keep that fiction coming, and tell me how you want it to grow. I am eager for what you're going to create this year.